Aku daH malas..

Actually ada banyak lagi post yang interesting yang boleh aku share tapi .. di sebabkan aku malas and the server kat sini like crap.. so biar lah...



Kenape aku macam ni?

Kenape aku selalu menyindiri..

Adakah rase malu kepada diri sendiri?

Adakah aku malu kepada orang ramai?



Aku dah tak nak sakit kan hati orang dan aku dah tak nak memikirkan orang lain...



aku merasakan diri ku seperti mayat hidup..

tak tahu kenape



Selalu termenung... dan blur blur...



ARGHHHHHHHH



Aku merasa tiada sesiapa yang biasa menemani ku...

Tiada seorang teman yang mahu bersama ku...



Adakah disebabkan kepelikan ku ini kot... hm...

Biar lah... everything what I here is crap .. crap crap crap...

AKu pening aku stress,,....

Biar lah!!!!!! tak lama lagi aku akan free!!!! free from this non sense.....

Aku akan lupekan semua yang telah terjadi.......

I will try to enjoy my semester break... and forget evrything@!!!!!!!!

bye bye

Ego?!..

This past few days are really hectic for me..
I dont know what to do and how to react

My anger and and my madness is really at my critical limit..
My negative thoughts is too much in my head and my mind just couldn't stop thinking whats next..

But thankz to ALLah everything is over...
And thankz to Him I could control my anger, madness, my mind and my fear...

What I know when I'm mad, I'm easily shoot someone.. try to scold anyone but this incident change... me..
My ego..
My negative mind set..
is getting better.. and able to control...

Patience is what Important the most.. And if something overwhelm my thoughts and feeling I'll pray and pray to Allah for wisdom not for money...

Now I know how "tenang" I can be when 'kita berserah kepada NYA'

.............

FinaLLy I know... N I agak terasa...

All this long, all the question in my mind finally being solve..
I got all the answer I want...
Not that She don't want to be jujur to me.. but she just skip this part..
She told me that She actually in love with me but at the same time still in love with Her exbf..
She broke up with him is because She don't believe in long distance...
But She still has feeling to him..

Yesterday night She actually confess to me, saying she is in love with me... :)
I like when She said that.. Then I kinda told Her that I love her too...

But then again...
I actually at the same time feel guilty...
Cause all this time I want HER to tell me everything about herself to me but I don't actually tell Her EVERYTHING...

The way She feel about her exbf is the same way how I feel about N....
Even tho I seek for other love but frankly... I still want N.. to be by my side cause I've known N.. for so long that till now we can't actually end up being friends.. Me and N.. is to special..

But I need to face the fact, unless miracle happen and N.. can be right here NoW then I could live happily with N..

But now I want to know more about S... cause right now I'll push aside the feeling I have towards N.. I do love S.. but I'm afraid...

I'm afraid to be with her... I'm afraid I can't give my full passion to her... I don't her to get hurt...

YES ! YES ! YES ! Seriously I do want to be with her but not at the moment..
I want her to know me.. deeply... I want ME to be special to her... and I want Her to be special to me.. Cause I think She is the one..

The One that will end up to be something, something that is for internity...

The moment will come ... Sooner or Later... but It will... (I guess) :P

Will She accept me?!
Will She Love me ?! As how I want to be love..

Thats the new questions and only questions that will stay in my mind until shes mine... and mine alone..

Insyallah my relation with her and my feeling towards Her still "berputik" but right now.. I want to know more about her.. to understand more, even tho I have to wait 1 or 2years to finaly understand her...

I admit She is special... Special to me..
Hopefully I won't have to give Her up to anyone.. cause I started to want this relationship to become something special...

Lastly... I could only say that... My heart just been stole again by a girl.. a sweet girl from Shah ALam.. and I kinda Stole Hers too...

I love you Biey...

Thank you...