Everything gone so well until yesterday... yesterday when I call HER but her friend pick up.. And she said that S... also missed me but Afraid of me.. afraid of how I look into her eyes.. afraid the way I act around HER.. Like y? y?
I like her, yes I do.. but please be honest to me... If I did something wrong why she did just straight way tell, why did she has to tell others first...
Then when I called last night, she pick up.. I ask her why.. but she just said "its just her feeling, sometimes she feel like wanting to meet me but sometimes she is afraid.."
So I suggest we meet to settle everything.. but I made up excuse that she wanted to study.. (like what?, I also want to study.. but if like this how can I?)
I asked her to turun but she didn't want.. Then she just off her phone...then I called her again and again then she answered... she said okay tomorrow (thats mean today) we will meet and talk about this.. but I don't want this thing 'di lengah-lengah kan cause I want to study and I need to be focus but with all this f*** up thing how can I?
Then she off again her phone like S***
How can I not mad if something small like this being brought as if it is a big deal then when I want to settle everything she just delayed it..
Aku agak GEram ah well bukan lagi agak, tapi memang GERAM
I went back into my room... I can't sleep and and I can't read/ study anything.. but mind being messed up with this stupid stuff... My buddy came to me, and asked what happen.. I told him everything.. I just can't bother to keep it to myself...
After I finished talking and all, he told me something I should know earlier... And that something is really stupid... And Fudge!!!!!!!!!
He told me why SHE avoiding me and why SHE is afraid of me...
The reasons is that "I'm taking advantage of her".. She told all her room mate about this... He said if I didn't believe him I may as well asked all her room mate..
I like S**T
Am I like that? What made her think that I'm taking advantage of her... ?
Okay If she think Like That! What did I do... yes I did touch her hand but it's just touch.. I didn't even hold her hand... PEGANG and SENTUH lain okay.. Well okay maybe it's when I took picture with her.. I did but my hand around her back.. But that is just me... I did it to all the girls not just her..
BESIDE.... I did tell everything about me... EVERYTHING!!! I told her that I wanna change.. she is the first that I fall that is not sexy or over socialise... I told her I want her to guide me and change me.. I want her to be jujur with me.. If how I acted to her is a bit over, tegur aku... cause thats what I want. somehing new.. but now.. why is she like this.. I thought she likes me too but why she can't even be truth to me.. instead she told her friends.. Isn't that will give me a bad name..?
Seriously I don't give a damn With my reputation... For me reputation is just bullshi* score high mark is what important...
But yang buat aku kesal sangat kenape tak jujur saje dengan aku...
My heart being torn into pieces...
I still like her.. don't know why...
that night I called E... just to luah kan everything.. then I text N... saying that I'm heart broken.. suddenly I receive called from her.. Thank god she called me.. at least she cools me down.. She knows me more then anyone...
She advises me and motivate me.. she injected me with the positive side of S... cause what is in my mind is just negative, thats balance everything and made me think in sense...
Then after that called, I just telan pill panadol active fast so that I fell sleep and fall asleep.. before I shut my eyes, I pray to ALLAh for wisdom..
Today I woke up early... but I didn't even bother to go to the maths revise class that started at 8.30am instead I just wasting my time dreaming... then I decide to enter the 10 o'clock revise class but then I couldn't concentrate.. So I just walk out of that class..
Later I wait for HER to come to me.. or called me.. of text me... to explain everything..
But my hopes is just *POOooff~* like that.. So I decide to join my friends went to C.S. liat cerita hantu "CONGKAK"..
Ceritanya just bagi suspend je.. not scary at all... I rate it 3 out of 10... cause I actually felt bored in the cinema.. jalan cerita dia tak best.. BTw S... missed called me once while I'm buying the tickets but really kejap.. not more then one ring.. then while aku makan before masuk wayang.. She call be .. but .. since aku dah tawar hati I just reject her call..
After that me and my friends go to K.BOX!!!!!! like I really need to sing....... I did sing ..well not actually singing more like shouting my throat off.. BEST giler..
I now I'm back... to the campus... writing this blog in the library ... I feel stupid tho being treating like this...
I am trying to find someone that is perfect through my eyes...
I want someone
- that doesn't make me bored
- Know how to sing
- I like everything about her
- I adore her
- Most IMportantly trust me.. and JUJUR dengan aku.. cause I'm the type of person yang open minded.. U.. rosak macam mane pun.. perangai you buruk macam mana pun.. I want you to show me.. tell me... THE TRUTH.. cause I really hate LIAR!!! I that things hear from you not from other...
Tell you guys the truth... I still like her... and I still want her.. but right now aku pasrah.. cause for me if you just trying to be the best infront of me baik tak payah... Now aku just waiting bila kejujuran akn terserlah...
Kerana suka sangat kat dia.. biarlah aku mengundur diri.. aku tak nak dia kecewa.. and aku tak nak dia fikir aku ambil kesempatan of her so... let her be...
*biar lah*
