Brunei Here I come...

Oh my goodness...
I can't believe that I'm few hours away to Brunei!!!
Brunei is like my home land...
Its been 3 years send I step foot there...
And I soooooo nervous...
Really really nervous...
Mesti banyak yang dah berubah....
unlike in JB.. in Brunei I used to know all the ways the short cuts.. where to and all... I'm like the GPS there..
But now I think... I'm just a tourist...

I'm excited.. but I'm afraid that people treat me like a stranger... I know its going to be different..

My friends going to be different..

I, myself will be different...

Going back to Brunei is like going to my past...

All the happiness and all the sadness.. is there...

Its so emotional and make me goes sentimental with it....

Will they still love me like they did?

Will they hate me like they did??

I'm scared...
But I'm excited...
I'm nervous..
But I'm interested to explore...

Brunei oh brunei...

You know that I love you...

Even though Johor is my homeland...

But I spend half of my entire life in you...

So is it wrong for me to love you more then I love my home land?

Is my fault that I always talk about you since I only know about you???

Whatever its.. in just few hours left.. I will be breathing the air there.... the equatorial rain-forest climate...

Listen to people talking with the word "BAh" on every end of sentences...

And eat food that as cheap as B$1 which call nasi katok (plain rice + fried chicken + sambal)

and eating bruneian fast food called "Ayamku"

The local food called "Ambuyat" that I really really missed a lot!!!

Oh Brunei... please treat me well.. please be kind to me.. cause I've been longing to there... and visit you..

LOve...

Love is a pure thing...
Love can be seen in so many angle...
Love between a son with his parents...
Between friends ans acquaintance...
And love with someone special...
For me...
I can easily fall in love if it involve family and friends...
Cuz they are everything to me and I would die for them...
But ever since I'm back in Malaysia...
I haven't found a girl that could replace her...
Maybe because I'm not looking or maybe I like to compare with her
or maybe I just too choosy...
It's not simple to find THE one..
I'm choosy, bad tempered and I know I'm a bit soft but trust me I'm not a fagot...

When I finally found one..
I just couldn't say it...
For me she is perfect...
But due to my failure in Form 6 I just but that feeling aside...

Day by day I'm getting closer and closer to her...
getting attached to her...
Since she already has a soul mate, I treat her as a friend...

I made her cry, I made her laugh...
I would do anything for her...

But it's time for us to be a part...
I gather all my courage to put everything on the table...
But I can't...
I'm not the type of person that ruin people happiness..
So at the end of our meeting..
I gave her a card...
telling her how i feel toward her...

I don't expect anything in return cause I'm a realistic...
At least she knows how I feel...

What ever happen she is still my friend...
Friend till the end...
I love you...

You are the girl that open up my heart...
Because of you,
I have gain the courage to be love and to find that perfect lady...
Lady that will be by my side.. for the eternity ...

Aku sudah tidak tahan lagi....

Allah cuma akan menduga umatnya yang mampu menempuh dugaan itu...
Sesusah mane pun tetap akan jalan keluar...

Aku tahu dugaan yang aku hadapi sekarang aku mampu untuk menempuhnya
Tapi kekadang aku rasa tidak tahan...

Mungkin sebab penat secara fizikal and mental dalam menghadapi peperiksaan final ni...

Kenape perlu ade conflict conflict dalaman seperti ini....

Kenape aku rasa sebegini sedang kan kawan2 ku yang laen tidak kisah mengenai ini...

Aku buntu... aku penat melawan perasaan dan pemikiran ini...

Aku cuba jadi positif tapi sangat memenat kan.....

Seperti sekarang ni aku terasa seperti ingin mati... kalau lah dalam islam tiada menyatakan bahwa membunuh diri itu akan terus masok neraka... mungkin sekarang aku sudah pasrah dan membunh diri...

aku keji aku jijik aku hina aku seperti anjing yang cuma pandai menyalak...

aku bodoh aku bangang... tapi aku tidak pernah menipu perasaan ku...

ARRGHHH stress nyer belajar....

ARGHHHH stress memikirkan aku terpaksa meninggalkan tempat ini...

ARGHHH stress nyer aku akan kehilangan dan berpisah dengan semua yang aku sayang!!!!!!

TIDAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tak ape lah... memang ini dah takdir aku... aku cuma boleh pandang hadapan dan maju kedepan.


Dont worry aku tak akan bunuh diri sebab aku masih waras... aku masih lagi berpegang dengan agama... masih lagi memikirkan tentang emak dan abah.. dan keluarga...

cuma.. perasaan ku tidak akan stabil....dn cepat kecil hati sebab buat masa ini aku tidak kuat untuk berselindung kan perasaan ku ini...