Aku sudah tidak tahan lagi....

Allah cuma akan menduga umatnya yang mampu menempuh dugaan itu...
Sesusah mane pun tetap akan jalan keluar...

Aku tahu dugaan yang aku hadapi sekarang aku mampu untuk menempuhnya
Tapi kekadang aku rasa tidak tahan...

Mungkin sebab penat secara fizikal and mental dalam menghadapi peperiksaan final ni...

Kenape perlu ade conflict conflict dalaman seperti ini....

Kenape aku rasa sebegini sedang kan kawan2 ku yang laen tidak kisah mengenai ini...

Aku buntu... aku penat melawan perasaan dan pemikiran ini...

Aku cuba jadi positif tapi sangat memenat kan.....

Seperti sekarang ni aku terasa seperti ingin mati... kalau lah dalam islam tiada menyatakan bahwa membunuh diri itu akan terus masok neraka... mungkin sekarang aku sudah pasrah dan membunh diri...

aku keji aku jijik aku hina aku seperti anjing yang cuma pandai menyalak...

aku bodoh aku bangang... tapi aku tidak pernah menipu perasaan ku...

ARRGHHH stress nyer belajar....

ARGHHHH stress memikirkan aku terpaksa meninggalkan tempat ini...

ARGHHH stress nyer aku akan kehilangan dan berpisah dengan semua yang aku sayang!!!!!!

TIDAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tak ape lah... memang ini dah takdir aku... aku cuma boleh pandang hadapan dan maju kedepan.


Dont worry aku tak akan bunuh diri sebab aku masih waras... aku masih lagi berpegang dengan agama... masih lagi memikirkan tentang emak dan abah.. dan keluarga...

cuma.. perasaan ku tidak akan stabil....dn cepat kecil hati sebab buat masa ini aku tidak kuat untuk berselindung kan perasaan ku ini...

TeaRful JoY..

I had a great time creating memories...
With my classmate and all..

Firstly is the time when Puan Thahira want the part 5 DBS student create a surprise dinner for us part 6 DBS students...

It was okay okay at first... the food was nice...
I'm not well at time cause I batuk batuk so I can't really able to enjoy every moment...

The games they buat was great.. they sing... Imam sing.. Rody and Zaila sing... mirul -bonser punsing gak...

Unfortunately.. they asked me to sing but I cant... I really really cannot sing due to my condition...
I was hoping Pn Thahira's words when she said she want this thing end with happy ending .. came true..cause my emotion is not stable at time...
But it didn't...
My classmate start singing sad friendship and perpisahan songs and everyone was asked to stand and sing together...
They pull me up and I couldn't help it.....
I hide my face in the back row... I hug them all.. I laid my face on their shoulders and shade tears...
I'm out of control....
A man tears is very valuable...
They are very valuable to me....
thank you them that comfort me...
Asking me to relax... and help me to gain myself...


After the dinner I was so exhausted... and so "Kejiwa" that I message everyone... saying that I love them.. even some of the Juniors received it... pokoknya sampai credit aku habis lah...
And aku message to time aku stop kat petronas hehehe... after sending dorang qyra and mya balik kampus...
I thought of not joining them all pergi Tanjung Leman because I'm afraid that I couldn't bear it...

I don't sleep thinking of them... until subuh... then I decide to go with the flow.. what ever nak happen, happen lah.. at least aku tak menyesal nanti...

So the next day I spend 2 days and 1 nite with them at Tanjung Leman creating Wonderful Memories...
We played games.. swimming.. barbequeing... memancing a.k.a. baring kat simen sambil tengok bintang until tertidur.. sesi memangkap ketam kecik... bermaen hujan .... dan sesi luahan hati and menyanyi... and again.. I sing until I cried.. I hung the guys tightly cuz I dont wana let go...

It was fun.. I stored every single thing in my mind... even though I mind is not very good at memorising but I thing goes into my long term memory...


Orang kata susah nak tengok seorang lelaki menangis...
Orang kata orang lelaki susah nak tersentuh...
Aku menangis..
Aku tersentuh...
dan Bukan kah aku lelaki?

Aku tak kesah ape orang kata pasal aku...
Aku tak kesah semuanya...
Aku menangis sebab aku sayang..
Aku tersentuh sebab aku cinta..
Cinta tak semestinya perlu kepada orang yang kita hendak kahwin..
Orang yang disayang tidak semestinya perlu kekasih...

Mereka lah yang aku cinta...
Mereka lah yang aku sayang...
kerana mereka ku kenal erti hidupan...
Kerana mereka aku jadi aku...

Aku sayang kamu semua.. DBS UiTM JB intake Dec2008 - Dec2010...

I just realised I do get jealous

I thought I would never get jealous...
I thought I know how to handle this feeling..
I thought I know how to convert it to something that I believe can help me...
But it seems like...
I do get jealous...

Its not an envy...

It is a jealousy..


If you ask me why am I being jealous..
well I also don't how to answer that question..
Because I don't know...
I have no I idea why...

If you ask me what do I want you to do..
The answer also I don't know...

Its just what I felt at that time...
Or maybe due to the little time I have left to spent...

Don't worry this feeling will be gone eventually...

And don't worry, you are not mine to keep...

I'm just a person that want you to be a part of my life...

And I guess that is not going to be possible... huh??

Its okay...
I'm happy at least I can spend my little time with you...
And knowing that you are something to me...

That is enough for me... thank you...