TeaRful JoY..

I had a great time creating memories...
With my classmate and all..

Firstly is the time when Puan Thahira want the part 5 DBS student create a surprise dinner for us part 6 DBS students...

It was okay okay at first... the food was nice...
I'm not well at time cause I batuk batuk so I can't really able to enjoy every moment...

The games they buat was great.. they sing... Imam sing.. Rody and Zaila sing... mirul -bonser punsing gak...

Unfortunately.. they asked me to sing but I cant... I really really cannot sing due to my condition...
I was hoping Pn Thahira's words when she said she want this thing end with happy ending .. came true..cause my emotion is not stable at time...
But it didn't...
My classmate start singing sad friendship and perpisahan songs and everyone was asked to stand and sing together...
They pull me up and I couldn't help it.....
I hide my face in the back row... I hug them all.. I laid my face on their shoulders and shade tears...
I'm out of control....
A man tears is very valuable...
They are very valuable to me....
thank you them that comfort me...
Asking me to relax... and help me to gain myself...


After the dinner I was so exhausted... and so "Kejiwa" that I message everyone... saying that I love them.. even some of the Juniors received it... pokoknya sampai credit aku habis lah...
And aku message to time aku stop kat petronas hehehe... after sending dorang qyra and mya balik kampus...
I thought of not joining them all pergi Tanjung Leman because I'm afraid that I couldn't bear it...

I don't sleep thinking of them... until subuh... then I decide to go with the flow.. what ever nak happen, happen lah.. at least aku tak menyesal nanti...

So the next day I spend 2 days and 1 nite with them at Tanjung Leman creating Wonderful Memories...
We played games.. swimming.. barbequeing... memancing a.k.a. baring kat simen sambil tengok bintang until tertidur.. sesi memangkap ketam kecik... bermaen hujan .... dan sesi luahan hati and menyanyi... and again.. I sing until I cried.. I hung the guys tightly cuz I dont wana let go...

It was fun.. I stored every single thing in my mind... even though I mind is not very good at memorising but I thing goes into my long term memory...


Orang kata susah nak tengok seorang lelaki menangis...
Orang kata orang lelaki susah nak tersentuh...
Aku menangis..
Aku tersentuh...
dan Bukan kah aku lelaki?

Aku tak kesah ape orang kata pasal aku...
Aku tak kesah semuanya...
Aku menangis sebab aku sayang..
Aku tersentuh sebab aku cinta..
Cinta tak semestinya perlu kepada orang yang kita hendak kahwin..
Orang yang disayang tidak semestinya perlu kekasih...

Mereka lah yang aku cinta...
Mereka lah yang aku sayang...
kerana mereka ku kenal erti hidupan...
Kerana mereka aku jadi aku...

Aku sayang kamu semua.. DBS UiTM JB intake Dec2008 - Dec2010...

I just realised I do get jealous

I thought I would never get jealous...
I thought I know how to handle this feeling..
I thought I know how to convert it to something that I believe can help me...
But it seems like...
I do get jealous...

Its not an envy...

It is a jealousy..


If you ask me why am I being jealous..
well I also don't how to answer that question..
Because I don't know...
I have no I idea why...

If you ask me what do I want you to do..
The answer also I don't know...

Its just what I felt at that time...
Or maybe due to the little time I have left to spent...

Don't worry this feeling will be gone eventually...

And don't worry, you are not mine to keep...

I'm just a person that want you to be a part of my life...

And I guess that is not going to be possible... huh??

Its okay...
I'm happy at least I can spend my little time with you...
And knowing that you are something to me...

That is enough for me... thank you...

Couldn't handle

I'm crying inside... I'm pretending to laugh with tears of joy..
I'm afraid... Afraid to leave... Afraid to leave u... All the people that i love...
I want to share this few days with u... But dat is impossible... U have ur own commitment and i have mine...
I want to take pictures of u just for a save keeping but i dont think i have da time...
And beside...
If i hang around with u for a long time.. u guys will get bored..
And besides, it is much harder for me to let go later on...
Im hard like stone.., but i can be frangile as glass... And right now da glass is on the tip of a bull's horn..
Ya Allah... Aku berdoa padamu ya Allah... Ampunkan dosaku... Ampunkan lah dosa adekku,temanku dan kawan kawan... Ya Allah kuatkan lah semangatku untuk mengharungi dugaan ini... Kuatkan lah hati ku bila melihat wajah wajah mereka yang aku kasihi pada masa yang singkat ini... Tambahkan lah diriku bila saatnya untuk aku pergi...
Jangan biar mereka melihat kelemahan ku.. Jangan biar aku menitiskan air mata di depan mereka... Cukuplah diri ini saja yang tahu bertapa banyak air mata ini telah mengalir apabila melihat wajah wajah yang akan di tinggalkan....

Aku tak tahu samaada aku berjaya atau tidak untuk kuatkan diriku, tapi aku akan cuba untuk menghindari diri dari kamu semua... Supaya senang untukku melepaskan... Kamu....

Mungkin aku tidak pernah mengatakan ini... Atau kamu tidak percaya aku ade perasan seperti ini...
Tapi aku mahu kamu tahu yang aku mencintai kamu... Aku menyayangi mu...
Tidak kesah kamu bestfriend ku, adek ku,kawan ku atau da girl dat admired... Lelaki atau perempuan... I love u... 3 simple words but for me its a very huge thing...
Maafkan aku jika aku tidak berani meluahkannya kepada kamu kerna keadaan akan lebih sukar bila perkataan ini telah disebutkan...

Oleh itu aku akan mengundurkan diri secara senyap... Dan tidak menyusahkan sape sape...