Everything is turn out to be okay..

This morning I kinda not myself and very fragile...
I terbangun pun because Erin called me up and ajak pergi jumpa Ms Raziah sebab she ada tersalah kira markah for 2nd test... So bersiap and when to her office.. Then borak - borak ngan her then after that *blank*
Tak tahu nak buat ape...
Macam for the first time I'm not being rational
Don't know why.. And receive text from N... asking me to jumpa HER and settle everything ..(it is paksaan but its good.. i really need that) Then I ask prof to set a meeting me and HER kat kafe waktu lunch... then we met.. I felt really awkward that make me said nothing.., nothing at all.. I just pretending to baca newspaper..(baca konon) and helping my friends buat maths.. haha pathetic !!!!!
I just want her to say "u nak jumpe i ke?" <- just that tapi tak ade pun.. like arhgh then few mins later she just went away..like okay.. then Prof said dia pergi dulu.. like arghh.. then aku pergi the nearest toilet, cause my system is breaking down.. lama gak aku kat sinking.. raising water through my face.. then rupanye prof ade kat dalam toilet jugak.. Shi* Malu seh.. tak pernah orang nampak I'm acting macam baby.. hahahahah Dia advice aku and all.. we talk and talk and talk.. then he told me.. that S... ada kat library then he asked me to pergi confront with her 'face to face'... So I kemas - kemas dan kesat all my tears...like okay.. (talor jua lah).. then I went to the library.. rupanya maybe She memang nak jumpa I.. Then we talk talk talk.. then we broke into laughter... Basicly its just missed communication.. Her friends yang buat andaian that She takut cause I take advantage her.. But actually She just takut and nervous sebab dah lama tak jumpa I.. since Kitorang just talk on the fone and text thats all and jumpa dah lama tidak sebab itu dia macam nervous and tak tahu ape nak cakap when jumpa... About me touching her and all.. what She told her friend is that dia cuma tak selesa cause she never done anything like that and I'm the first guy yang ever touch her.. Tapi dia tak nak tegur aku .. dia just rela kan je sebab when being with me dia rasa macam cair and all.. (okay thats weird) Like I told her if U think tak selesa, just tegur ... I tak kesah.. cuma please be jujur ...then everything dah settle..
I still like her.. And even more..
And now I can think rationally.. so back to study mode PEOPLE!!!!!!..
BLajar Blajar Blajar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAH seriously.. I missed her too... now that I talk to her again.. like BEst nyer!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha K MOHD RAMDZAN BIN ISMAIL belajar!!!!! esok exam bel.. which english hahah WISH ME LUCK

Taking advantage?!?! Am I?

I dont know how to start writing todays blog... I thought I've change.. at least I'm trying, but why....why this happen
Everything gone so well until yesterday... yesterday when I call HER but her friend pick up.. And she said that S... also missed me but Afraid of me.. afraid of how I look into her eyes.. afraid the way I act around HER.. Like y? y?
I like her, yes I do.. but please be honest to me... If I did something wrong why she did just straight way tell, why did she has to tell others first...
Then when I called last night, she pick up.. I ask her why.. but she just said "its just her feeling, sometimes she feel like wanting to meet me but sometimes she is afraid.."
So I suggest we meet to settle everything.. but I made up excuse that she wanted to study.. (like what?, I also want to study.. but if like this how can I?)
I asked her to turun but she didn't want.. Then she just off her phone...then I called her again and again then she answered... she said okay tomorrow (thats mean today) we will meet and talk about this.. but I don't want this thing 'di lengah-lengah kan cause I want to study and I need to be focus but with all this f*** up thing how can I?
Then she off again her phone like S***
How can I not mad if something small like this being brought as if it is a big deal then when I want to settle everything she just delayed it..
Aku agak GEram ah well bukan lagi agak, tapi memang GERAM
I went back into my room... I can't sleep and and I can't read/ study anything.. but mind being messed up with this stupid stuff... My buddy came to me, and asked what happen.. I told him everything.. I just can't bother to keep it to myself...
After I finished talking and all, he told me something I should know earlier... And that something is really stupid... And Fudge!!!!!!!!!
He told me why SHE avoiding me and why SHE is afraid of me...
The reasons is that "I'm taking advantage of her".. She told all her room mate about this... He said if I didn't believe him I may as well asked all her room mate..
I like S**T
Am I like that? What made her think that I'm taking advantage of her... ?
Okay If she think Like That! What did I do... yes I did touch her hand but it's just touch.. I didn't even hold her hand... PEGANG and SENTUH lain okay.. Well okay maybe it's when I took picture with her.. I did but my hand around her back.. But that is just me... I did it to all the girls not just her..
BESIDE.... I did tell everything about me... EVERYTHING!!! I told her that I wanna change.. she is the first that I fall that is not sexy or over socialise... I told her I want her to guide me and change me.. I want her to be jujur with me.. If how I acted to her is a bit over, tegur aku... cause thats what I want. somehing new.. but now.. why is she like this.. I thought she likes me too but why she can't even be truth to me.. instead she told her friends.. Isn't that will give me a bad name..?
Seriously I don't give a damn With my reputation... For me reputation is just bullshi* score high mark is what important...
But yang buat aku kesal sangat kenape tak jujur saje dengan aku...
My heart being torn into pieces...
I still like her.. don't know why...
that night I called E... just to luah kan everything.. then I text N... saying that I'm heart broken.. suddenly I receive called from her.. Thank god she called me.. at least she cools me down.. She knows me more then anyone...
She advises me and motivate me.. she injected me with the positive side of S... cause what is in my mind is just negative, thats balance everything and made me think in sense...
Then after that called, I just telan pill panadol active fast so that I fell sleep and fall asleep.. before I shut my eyes, I pray to ALLAh for wisdom..
Today I woke up early... but I didn't even bother to go to the maths revise class that started at 8.30am instead I just wasting my time dreaming... then I decide to enter the 10 o'clock revise class but then I couldn't concentrate.. So I just walk out of that class..
Later I wait for HER to come to me.. or called me.. of text me... to explain everything..
But my hopes is just *POOooff~* like that.. So I decide to join my friends went to C.S. liat cerita hantu "CONGKAK"..
Ceritanya just bagi suspend je.. not scary at all... I rate it 3 out of 10... cause I actually felt bored in the cinema.. jalan cerita dia tak best.. BTw S... missed called me once while I'm buying the tickets but really kejap.. not more then one ring.. then while aku makan before masuk wayang.. She call be .. but .. since aku dah tawar hati I just reject her call..
After that me and my friends go to K.BOX!!!!!! like I really need to sing....... I did sing ..well not actually singing more like shouting my throat off.. BEST giler..
I now I'm back... to the campus... writing this blog in the library ... I feel stupid tho being treating like this...
I am trying to find someone that is perfect through my eyes...
I want someone

• that doesn't make me bored
• Know how to sing
• I like everything about her
• I adore her
• Most IMportantly trust me.. and JUJUR dengan aku.. cause I'm the type of person yang open minded.. U.. rosak macam mane pun.. perangai you buruk macam mana pun.. I want you to show me.. tell me... THE TRUTH.. cause I really hate LIAR!!! I that things hear from you not from other...

Tell you guys the truth... I still like her... and I still want her.. but right now aku pasrah.. cause for me if you just trying to be the best infront of me baik tak payah... Now aku just waiting bila kejujuran akn terserlah...

Kerana suka sangat kat dia.. biarlah aku mengundur diri.. aku tak nak dia kecewa.. and aku tak nak dia fikir aku ambil kesempatan of her so... let her be...

*biar lah*

Simple me... With simple life..

Before this I never talk about my life

My real life...

Outside the campus.. Outside UiTM

They all thought that I'm rich, they all thought I'm manja and they all thought my life is complex
Yes I didn't take the offer of borrowing money from 'PTPTN' for my studies, doesn't mean that I'm rich.. it's just that I have plan.. Diploma is not that expensive so why should I borrow when my dad said he still can 'mampu' to support me. I will borrow it when I take degree later.. And why they said I'm rich? My dad is just a coach... not a manager..

Okay they said I'm manja.. Well I admit I'm manja cause I'm the last child.. I don't have any younger sister or brother after. That's why I'm sensitive sometimes, A BiT soft(not gay just a bit soft) and a big headed sometimes. But I do know how to manja others too.. Cause I have nephew and niece.. I love them very much..




And just because I being raise in Brunei but born in Malaysia, and now come back to Malaysia for further studies doesn't mean that my live is complex... I love Brunei And I malaysia... I've known Brunei for all My life is it wrong for me to leave in the place I was born..and trying to explore it..

I never share the inside of my family life and all cause it is too simple to tell.. My life is simple and I'm a simple guy... I enjoy simple food and enjoy simple relaxation... I'm not rich and I'm not poor .. My family status is just simply in the middle...

I love how simple my mom cook... even it doesn't look delicious or or macam "what is that?"

but I love it "nyaman kaliah,buleh!!!!"

I LOVE MY SIMPLE FAMILY

If you don't like the simplicity of my life...

I guess, You guys just missed me

Cause I won't be What you want me to be

REMEMBER THAT!!!