Is this what I want?

For once I can see rainbow in the sky

trying to clear the cloud and make ways for sun to shine

I look at myself through a mirror that reflected the true image of me...

Is this what I want? I asked the mirror.

I've been lying t0 myself all this while.. I tried to be someone that I'm not...

Deep inside me, I buried the feeling I never thought would felt again..

Ever since I left her, the guilt inside me froze the feeling into stone...

Never do I care to look or search for someone to take or replace her..

Lied if I didn't tried but never things are working out...

Since the feeling frozen deep into my heart...

But for some reason I met this lady..

This cherish, sweet lady...

Never thought things would turns up side down...

I tried to stop it but I can..

The feeling that I buried deep inside is trying to come out...

It melts from frozen stone into something that is warm and peaceful..

But I try to slow things down

Cause I'm afraid...

Afraid that I might be wrong...

Maybe its just lust not the feeling that called LOVE..

I don't know what is LOVE anymore..

I felt it and left it long time ago..

But now it came back to me...

Is this just some test from God to me?

To test whether I can manage my life with everything...

Then I asked myself again

Is this what I want?

Isn't this just how I felt...

How about her?

Do I think she will accept me?

I don't even know her..

And what does she know about me ?

She knew that I've been gossip of having a relationship to my best friend..

which is a lady... just like her..

But does she know the best friend is just like a sister to me?

And could she accept the real me..

The complicated jerk that always trying to change and take control of the situation...

The answer went down to "I don't know"

I don't know, I don't know and I really don't know...

Maybe ... Just maybe I'm in LOVE... but it's to early for me...

I need to focus on my studies and my future career..

I like to message her and I like to call her...

but I would appreciate if she could understand me more...

cause I'm a one timer type of person, and proud of it...

I will let her go as soon as I know she has someone...

but for the mean time... I like to keep her just the way I found her...

Not more than that...

Just sharing thoughts and experiences...

People may not understand me...

but I have my reason...

and it is afraid.. and coward..

of being committed and cheated...

Is this what I want?

I DON'T REALLY KNOW ANYMORE