Do I really have true friends? Or just plain friends..

Kejujuran for me is every important..

But lately I have none from my friends..

I feel like as if I'm a lab mouse, that being test on... Everyone knows whats going on except me...

I used to think that I have a lot of friends, who I can share everything with and don't feel ashamed to be open up to.. but now things change...

I don't blame the situation where I have to move from Brunei to Malaysia but its just that, it is hard for me to blend in..

Now I thought I found the persons that I could share my life with, my problems and my happiness but infact its all just my imagination... I'm the only one who think he and she is my best friends but for them..?!?!?! I don't think so...

People always tell me "Ramdzan jangan berfikirankan negative sangatlah... it is bad for your health." Well I do thing so sometimes, but I can't help it.. Usually naluri sangat tajam that I know something is wrong.. but I don't know what is it..

And when I know the truth from others.. guess what? you already know it too... from the mouth of the lioness itself pulak tu... like okay... Even though you promised to her to keep it secret.. but I'm your friend, why didn't you at least warn me indirectly... At least aku tahu from you... Not from others.. Is that what friends for???

I know sometimes, I can be stubborn and all but is it too much for you to be jujur to me?

Because of this and other factors, I feel like I have no one to go to... No one can back me up...

I have no one to trust and no one to lend me hands when I'm down...

I'm disappointed

Thankx to N.... who understand me the most... She called me up last night since I asked her to... We talked for hours.. I really need that since I have no one to turn to.. Before back in Brunei, when ever I'm down I could just give a ring to any of my friends and talk.. but now All my friends in Brunei is hard to be in contact.. and the fact that I don't have any friends here made me have to keep it to myself... Its hurt though since I'm not that type of person...

N.... she listened to me.. when I'm done she give me a bit of advice and then change to subject.. Just like that...
She could change the moody-ness I have stored inside and crying like shit.. suddenly you know it I'm laughing Like hell...
BESt gilER

Tapi I couldn't lie to myself... this morning when I woke up... Everything feel different... I still think what had happen.. It still fresh in my mind..

A deep cut could be heal just like that, when it did the scars still remain..

So now I'm writing this blog.. To express everything I have in my mind...
since my life starting from today is like A guy standing alone without friends... striving for success...

thank you...